Prince charming Myth

Prince Charming stories are what Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty have taught us about love, and as little girls, this is just the kind of love that we all grow into wishing for. I believed so much about fairy tale endings that when my marriage had to end, it crushed me to realize that fairy tales can’t happen at all and Prince Charming is a cruel figment of imagination. That he will never exist in this world and age. Maybe some were just lucky and I wasn’t one of them. And I don’t even know if I should still be reading those stories to my little girls now, because they might just have the same predicament in finding out the real truth.

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Or maybe just because, I relied heavily on the Prince Charming Myth that I didn’t bother changing some of my viewpoints that affected so much of my beliefs about true love and marriage.

Or properly finding a partner for that matter.

What I failed to realize is I should have separated fiction of Prince Charming from fact. There is no such thing as Prince Charming, Mr. Perfect or Mr. Right. You will simply fall in love with someone outside your qualification, and you’ll hate yourself that you can’t do anything about that madness. Even if that guy is an axe murderer, or a jobless slacker from the ghettos; worse, a lazy gold-digger.

Granted that I had such notoriety of ending up with guys in that category, I wrongly believed in the notions of Love Conquering All. That I failed to realize, there are things that I can no longer change about him, that in time of our marriage they did aggravate, and failed to realize as well that I cannot at all live with his defects. Whatever good qualities he had, they weren’t enough to compensate for the bad. It simply was outnumbered. I thought I loved him so much that even if he wiped my bank account clean, I thought I could stand it.

I don’t know if God didn’t want me to marry him after all, since I wasn’t given the apparent grace and inspiration to have lived with his defects. I wanted to change him for the better. Either he wasn’t ready, or the change I was demanding were just too much for him to handle, or simply because he didn’t want to change after all.

Another mistake I did was, I failed to distinguish between passion and love. What we had was passion and mistakenly, we both thought it was love. We were attracted too much to each other. Given too much physical attraction and desire, it faded when we dealt about the bills, milk and diapers for the baby, and the cost of living. Love was supposed to be the ultimate choice and decision to marry the same person all over again despite of and in spite of, too bad that it all faded when we both got pressured for our baby’s first birthday (my bank account was already clean and my credit cards cancelled because of his expenses) and we both scrammed to find the money. He had the good looks, the abs and the biceps to die for, but both of us didn’t have the maturity to deal with decision making, and raising a family.

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When we got married, I was blinded. He was my Prince Charming anyway. I believed in all the hoopla that the novels, love stories, and fairy tales presented to me while growing up that I didn’t listen to my family and friends the kind of life I was entering, that it was not all about the looks and somehow, educational and social background mattered a lot. Not only those but a healthy age gap and a sound maturity could have made our marriage work, and probably if we allowed ourselves more time to date, get to know each other deeply in at least a longer time frame, we could’ve worked out and divorce didn’t become an option. I should have waited.

But all too sudden when the overly romantic “Will you marry me?” proposal is asked by a guy you thought was Prince Charming, it’s just too difficult to resist.

How to build confidence after divorce

Divorce rates are getting higher and higher each day, and it seems a lot easier to divorce than to stay together. Even if you were the instigator, it’s even much more difficult. Even if it’s what you really need and doing so will relieve you from all of the suffering, it is still The End, and somewhere along the way there is always guilt. But, at the same time, there is the excitement of new beginnings – that excitingd as it may, it still is scary because this is a place you don’t remember anymore.

Can my wife love me again ?

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If you didn’t’ want the divorce in the first place, there is the double pain of coping up with not getting over him so soon. Of course. He’s no longer a boyfriend you can easily dump away, but he already is an ex-husband who fathered all your children, who vowed to be with you in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part. It’s always difficult to find a way to detach from your emotions and to really move on. What will complicate further is the presence of another person in your or his life by now.

Moving houses also is just one of the added complications that you will face. Emotions are more charged than ever, and you do all your best to put up a face to the kids, friends, family, even in-laws, and yourself. Then you find yourself trapped to the never-ending questions of why it came to this and why it had to happen, and what you did wrong, and what if you had done it all differently – will it lead to the same result now? Too bad you can’t do anything about it anymore. It’s not helping, and the sad news is, you keep spiraling down to that negative oblivion your negative thoughts have just put you through. That even if you are now desperate to move on and begin a new life, find inner strength and wisdom from the whole ordeal, you’re still in that lonely and miserable place – that it’s just so frustrating you can’t seem to do anything about it.

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To best start off with moving on, the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is just true enough. Start with a mantra and the assurance that you’re not alone in this world experiencing the same depression, and it’s just up to you how you will overcome it all. Assure yourself that if millions of women in that position were able to come through, you will also succeed as well.

Accept, accept, accept. Learn to accept that you are meant to be here at this very moment and there’s nothing else you can do to change all of it. Stop fighting it, stop questioning why and what if, and what is done is done. Surrender and acknowledge the fact that if you were able to do something before, you are no longer in this place now. But no, you’re still here. Once you learn to accept your present circumstance gracefully, you will start to feel loads better since your energy is no longer directed on the useless, unproductive, and negative “what ifs” that will only do you no good. You will now be conserving your energy for more productive and better ways, like the improvement of your life and your kids, how you can start a new and exciting life, and so on. Negative thoughts such as those mentioned will always sap you of your energy that could have been otherwise used for the betterment of your kids. Positive thoughts on the other hand, will keep feeding you with the energy that you need; build you up until you feel so strong and invincible, and until you rebuild your whole life again – little by little. What’s important is, even at a slower rate, you see progress. That years ago you have been this desolate, poor, oppressed and depressed; but now, look at how far you have achieved.

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Advice for troubled marriage

These words, advice for troubled marriage, has appeared in thousands of books and self help sties but people may not find them effective at all. We are no experts but we have realized that, apparently, you will need to invest money onto your marriage. Yes, money.

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Before you argue on that this sounds crazy, let me ask you first these following questions:

• Have you spent anything to improve on your looks and for your general well-being?
  How much have you spent for the kids – education, books, materials, trust funds, etc?
  Have you invested on your career – books, seminars, college, etc?

It’s realistic to admit that yes, you have spent almost thousands and thousands of dollars.

All of these form part of your life. But have you asked yourself if you have spent anything on your marriage? Yes, you spent a fortune on the wedding. And possibly a honeymoon. Or a dinner date, or a vacation. Yes but how often?

If you’re not getting the whole point and is still looking for a different kind of advice, this is the wrong place for you.

Even if you’ve spent years and years with your spouse, you will still need to take time, money and effort to get to know him further. This means that you may have to learn it by talking to him, or reading some books and resources that will help you improve your relationship together. There is just absolutely no way of waking up then suddenly finding out that you already know everything you need to know about marriage – even if you have spent more than 20 years by now. Fact is, you still may not know how to keep him interested in you for that long span of period.

Learn as much as possible from people who have been there and also take the time to find out what experts have to say on the matter. Do not attempt to reinvent your marriage wheel; the truth lies at the fact that your marriage is unique, and no one can really help you or offer you a tailor made advice because your bond is not like anybody else. You may share a few points, but do remember that yours are always different. If you take on this mindset, you now have a good foundation to start on.

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No one else will save your marriage but you. You’ll be surprised to find out a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know you were causing to happen. Solving a crisis won’t happen overnight, there is no shortcut to a lasting solution. You will really have to invest not only your time and effort, but also money to make it work and make it last for your sake and the kids.

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Win your husband back

You just got separated or divorced. You want to win your husband back not only for the kids’ sake but also yours. Do understand though that this is going to be really tough. But don’t despair; the good news is that as long as you follow a devised and a well thought of plan, a good 90% are getting back their husbands successfully whatever the issues were that broke them in the first place.

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But if you rush in without a strategy, patience, or persistence, then be ready to fall into the 90% who lose their husbands entirely without properly understanding why they lost them at all.

It’s always possible to rekindle an old flame, especially with marriages that involved a great true love in the first place. It does mean that yes, getting back is still possible, provided that you have a proper course of action.

You will need to arrange a first date with your husband. Make sure it won’t be too obvious that you’re desperate; make it sound really casual. If there is a possibility of him backing out, try the second attempt to either bring back his stuff, or talk about custody and or support arrangements, just make sure it will all be casual and totally without the drama.

Follow these steps below when you succeed in getting him your first date:

1. Make it very, very short and sweet. Make sure it won’t last an hour; it has to be less than an hour because any hour longer will ruin your perfect chance and timing. Do it on a breakfast or lunch date and never on a dinner.

2. Never initiate conversations of over-analyzing what went wrong. You are not here to reopen old wounds. It will ruin your chances especially if you do it on a first date. If he does, then sweetly explain that you are both not here to talk about the hurts and it’s best to move past for a better friendship that you both need.

3. This first date is meant to be positive and at all means, light hearted. Never talk about anything sad, hurtful or desperate. Show him how thankful you are for him agreeing to do this lunch date with you.

4. Never say anything that will make him jealous. This is a big NO. Don’t go off to the other side of extreme by seducing him or flirting with him. This will just backfire on your plans and it will just put him off.

5. Crack lighthearted jokes, catch up, have the good ol’ fun! Always keep it relaxed, light-hearted, and positive.

Men will always be attached to those who are fun to be with, so you should be one too. Allow your bond to rebuild positively since this will guarantee you starting from the right foot. Remember that you shared so many things during your relationship, so you might as well use it to your advantage.

Remember the strict rule of keeping your date to 1 hour or less no matter how much fun you’re having. Never suggest a second date – let him do that and he will only do that if he had so much fun that he wants to have it again. If he does, congratulations. If not, just wait and always veer away from appearing too desperate.

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Tips To Save Your Marriage

Marriages always undergo the same cycles. It starts into a fairy tale romance of courtship, then comes the sweeter life after I do’s, then it turns out to be a marriage made in hell. We’ve been hearing these stories thousands and thousands of time. It especially is difficult when children are involved in the pending separation. Almost all cultures and races undergo these stages and it all depends on some universal tips to save your marriage, like we should all do.

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1.      Always be prepared of the circumstances. Remember, this is no longer a simple relationship where you just break up and that’s it. Marriage is way different and is supposed to be, more intense. Always focus on how to save your marriage and think of this as A COUPLE, and not as a single individual. Always focus how to make your married life a happy one.

2.      Be ready to leave your previous lifestyle behind and start a new with the one you love. Remember that your spouse and your children are your family now, your universe, and what your world revolves around in, and it’s not a single bachelor life anymore. Perhaps the biggest mistake so many couples committed.

3.      Always strike a compromise in decision making – whether it’s naming a new baby, or where to buy dinner, or where will you move into. Always decide as a couple. Once you leave one behind, that spells disaster.

4.      Remember that it’s the fickle minded that are prone to divorce and breakups. And it’s the sensible ones that will consider saving the marriage – and this is what’s supposed to happen.

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5.      Remember also that if your personality is too strong, making a marriage work will not involve you always winning the debate. It doesn’t matter who wins the argument or who makes better sense. What matters is who stayed humble and who was able to acknowledge his/her own wrong points to strike a balance and who gave way for peace, love and harmony. If it really is wrong, there’s always a chance to talk about it healthy – no angst, and always with an open mind and an understanding heart.

Marriages do really last; it’s just that some people are more committed to it and in their minds, divorce is never an option even if the odds are greater. Marriages will always pass through rocky, bumpy and stormy roads, but always remember that it’s up to the two of you if you will work together to end up sailing smooth. Living happily ever after is not really impossible, if you have the tools and the right mindset to make your marriage work.

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How to Get back your Ex? Use common sense !

How do we and how should we win back an ex love? People often do this erroneously. An aggressive pursuit will only lead you to more losses and not the ex and the relationship that you want back. Follow the advice in this article as closely as possible if you really want her back.

She needs to get her love back all bye herself  and you can never do this by chasing her always.

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There’s a fine line between desperation and psychotic tendencies. Clearly, when you let desperation and depression control you, you become a psycho without even knowing it. You then become a danger to yourself and to other people, most especially to the girl you wanted back.

With all the depression going on, you don’t need to be called a psycho. And you don’t have to be one. All you have to do is to exercise extreme caution, and always go for what’s right and what’s logical – devoid of any emotional complication. For all you know, she might probably be dating other people at the same time. You never know if she’s pretending to entertain you or not.

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The goal here is to make her vulnerable to her own traps, and not you falling in her traps.

Play games. Make her come crawling to you instead of being completely desperate and chasing after her. It’s the only clever way to make her chase you and not you chasing her.

Withhold your attention from her. If you’re in a friend’s party and you see her there, pay special attention to that girl she is envying the most.

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You should be happy. This is already beyond playing games but by far, this would be your best revenge. It’s now up to you to choose happiness than staying bitter and depressed.

Girls, most of the time, prefer dating happy guys. Concentrate on improving yourself instead of concentrating on her, and you now increase the odds of winning her back.

Sometimes pretending that you are happy, can lead you to find out that you really are happy. Get on a hobby that you couldn’t try doing because she was there. Try something new. Learn something new – like rappelling, wakeboarding, or hang gliding, whatever suits you.

Important is, when you become this happy, she will think a lot of times why you are even if in fact you shouldn’t be. She will then wonder why. Once she can’t handle it, she will have to figure herself by getting to you straight.

8 Tips To Revitalize Your Marriage!

Do you remember when you used to dream about how wonderful it would be to get married? Of course, marriage is wonderful…but not all of the time. There will be times when marriage will seem like hard work, and there may even be times when leaving will look like a nice option. Marriage can have it’s ups and downs and a successful marriage is only possible if both parties are prepared to work at it. Love must be nurtured if they want to keep it from going stale.

Has your marriage gone stale? Have you stopped spending the time that is necessary to cultivate a relationship that is fulfilling? If this is the case – read on. Here are 8 tips that could help make your marriage go from boring to infinitely fascinating.

1. Forgive.

Disagreements are only natural in any relationship. Wherever their are two people living in close proximity there are bound to be times when they disagree. Learning to forgive and not hold grudges is vital if they are to prevent bitterness from seeping in and souring things. People make mistakes and do stupid things. We need to be quick to say sorry, and quick to forgive. Married couples must never harbor grudges. Besides, harbouring grudges solves nothing.

2.Be respectful and honesty with one another.

Don’t take one another for granted. Learn to say thank you. Express your appreciation for the things your spouse does for you. Tell the truth. If there is a problem talk about it, don’t bottle it up. Couples who face their problems and talk things through are the ones that are most likely to build a strong, loving relationships.

3. Remember to laugh often.

The daily grind of life can make everything seem like a chore. A married couple should take time to share jokes and other crazy antics to decrease tension. Remember, laughter is healing.

4. Communicate.

It may seem obvious, but good communication is the key to a fulfilling relationship. Don’t let things fester. If the wife is feeling upset by something her husband has said or done she should tell him right away, she shouldn’t assume that he will guess what is wrong. What may be obvious to her, may not be obvious to him! Husbands too need to be more forthcoming in sharing what is on their minds. Good communication is vital.

5. Decide together.

It is important that couples make joint decisions on things like finances, children’s education and upbringing, delegation of household chores, etc. One must not be superior over the other. If you can’t reach agreement straight away, leave it for a while and come back to it again later. If there is still a stale mate, be prepared to given in to your spouse. Take turns in giving in to one another. Marriage isn’t a competition

6. Don’t forget the simple, small things.

Husbands need to remember to compliment their wives. Don’t forget to praise her for a job well done. Buy her flowers. Take her out for a romantic meal. Tell her how beautiful she is. Make her feel like she is your princess. Wives, should also be attentive to their husband’s needs. Enjoy each other’s company. Showing affection one for another is essential.

7. Stay in love

Nurture your love for one another. Enjoy every new discovery and every new day with your spouse.

8. Stay intimate.

Intimacy is only able to grow in a marriage where their is a strong commitment to one another. Learn to be honest with one another about what turns you on and what turns you off. The sexual side of marriage needn’t wane. Greater knowledge of your spouse and deeper affection, should make love making a celebration of your life together. Make time to be intimate.

Being married is not always easy. Especially in our society where so many marriages fail. But as long as both partners know that they have each other to hold on to, it should be a rewarding relationship. Be there for each other, “for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and til death do us part”.

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