Are we combatible?

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Are we compatible? What makes two people compatible? Does compatibility really exist? Nowadays it sounds odd. There are so many couples out there who can still make a good marriage without the compatibility factor; my parents, for instance, are total opposites both in the Western and Chinese Horoscopes. They are as different as black and white and north and south.

Still, they are still together after 40+ years. And still counting.

Is compatibility really important? Or is it something created by a person’s mind, a figment of what and how relationships are supposed to work, or an unnecessary pre-qualification imposed by people who don’t really know how relationships work out?

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Whatever their reasons are, compatibility to some other people will always play a very important role in mate selection. It makes a lot of sense though, that we cannot choose to breed with animals (I mean, HELLO). But sticking it to the human race and choosing between and amongst ourselves, maybe compatibility really is a determinant, and an important factor in determining whether a union could well exist longer.

Compatibility (as how I understand it) is defined (well, personally) as being in total harmony with the other because of a complete match or understanding of each other. It’s considered a total, perfect match. It’s where attitudes, strengths and weakness are perfectly matched and conflicts are naturally rare to happen. That most of the time, it already encompasses beyond the belief in the relationship and a strong will to continue it. Not really like soul mates but maybe, just a little step below that level.

So, if you both like chocolates, does that mean you’re compatible? When I met my husband that was when I started believing in compatibility. We both loved each other’s company, we both made each other laugh. Both of us are athletic, we love sports, we love basketball and boxing, we had so many things in common including our pasts. Though we had our differences – I love reading and he loves to dance, our similarities outnumbered our differences. So I naturally assumed that yes, we were perfectly compatible with each other. Our signs (both in Chinese and Western Horoscopes) also said that yes, we are perfectly compatible with each other. We perfectly understood each other’s needs for freedom, affection, and most importantly having fun. Even at arguments, we can’t help but to laugh silly. I am at my funniest when I’m mad and that’s what he totally adored about me – our arguments are easily dissolved by humor and laughter. And we had great sex. Probably the greatest of all since it was only him who successfully got me pregnant when all other failed.

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But we divorced only after a year of marriage, our firstborn was barely a year old and I was pregnant with our second baby. Why? There were a number of reasons. My family and friends detested him and judged him for the high school drop out that he is, that he relied on odd jobs (like being a mascot or a white painted moving statue off the streets) so most of the time, he was jobless. Add the fact that he came from a family of 6 earning $5,000 a year (I am NOT kidding) and both of his dad and step mum didn’t have at least a high school degree to get them at least decent unskilled jobs and credit cards for their sustenance. I was just lucky that I lived a life completely opposite from his – that at the very least I was able to afford my own place. My parents and friends didn’t hate him for living below the poverty line, but for me becoming the sole breadwinner when it was supposed to be a double-effort thing. The marriage also didn’t work out because he was never ready to become a young father at 21 and I was already 25 then, ready to take responsibility to become a mother and a wife. He was limited to the foresight of what he still needs to experience at 21 while for me, I was already planning our future in the next coming years.

So there. Maybe in all personality aspects we were perfectly compatible, but socio-economic terms we differed greatly, so does the environment we were brought up in, the family, and the values system that we grew up with. We loved each other dearly, just too bad that feelings did not suffice. Does compatibility really exist and is it really needed to make it work?

But if in all aspects we were compatible, could we have saved the marriage? I don’t think so too. I absolutely think that it will take more than that.

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