How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationships

For some couples fighting is the fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Many are determined to win a battle that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a continuation of the past.

What People Get Out of Fighting

It is important to understand why couples keep fighting. For some fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares, things aren’t really over, and sparks still fly between them. Fighting can keep these couples bonded, causing them to think about each other a great deal.

Some love power struggles. They love winning and feeling power over the other. This makes them feel strong.Fighting can easily become a habit, something individuals fall into automatically and instinctively. Needless to say, fighting prevents real communication from developing. It is a way of threatening or blaming the other. Rather than really addressing issues, it causes a situation to remain stuck.

Without a good fight, a relationship is over,” says Mary, a twenty six year old administrative assistant. “The lights have gone off between us. It’s a sign my partner no longer cares.”

Mary, who was recently divorced and is now in another choppy relationship feels that eventually she’ll marry a man with whom she can fight – and survive the storms. “ I respect a guy who I can fight with, who can take me as I am.”

For Mary being angry, fighting and winning has became her identity. Without it, she no longer knows who she truly is. She does not see price she is paying for this kind of relationship or what toll it takes on all concerned.

Unfortunately, the anger many individuals live with on a daily basis can become crystallized into their identity. Once this identity becomes habitual, the individuals soon have no idea who they would be without it. Needless to say, this blocks out much of the happiness, flexibility, communication and intimacy they desire.

“I’m not letting her walk all over me,” Roger would balk whenever his ex wife expressed her needs to him now, or brought up any issue. Rather than listening to what she had to say, he immediately took it as criticism. “She’s trying to tell me I’m inadequate,” he would declare. The war was on. What started as a conversation, turned into a power struggle. From Roger’s point of view, his very manhood was at stake.

However, as long as any of us hold onto our anger and continue fighting, there is no hope of working the problems through, or even truly understanding what is really going on. Roger could not pause and realize that his partner’s needs and feelings had nothing to do with him. He was determined to take whatever she said or did personally and keep feeling badly about himself. These are many consequences when we cling to anger and allow it to turn into our sense of who we are.

Beyond that, it’s impossible not to receive the fruits of what you have put forth. “As you sow, so shall you reap,” is an immutable law of living. Although we may justify all kinds of behavior it is absolutely inevitable that we will experience the consequences of our thoughts, actions and deeds. Depression arises, hopelessness and the inability to love again.

There are many steps involved in letting go of anger. The very first step is to realize that anger is a toxin. It is not a source of strength or power, but can become an addiction, a substitute for true power and wisdom, something that hinders our well being and stops our life from going forward.

There are definite steps we can take to undo anger. And in order to begin a new chapter and to build a positive relationship both with ourselves and others, it is necessary to begin this process.
Here are a few steps one can take to begin. They are taken from The Anger Diet which offers one step a day for thirty days. These following guidelines are simple, but powerful. Why not try them today and see.

Putting An End To The War

1)Stop Blaming – It is absolutely pointless for you to blame yourself or the other. Blame stops you from seeing the truth. While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. TAKE A VACATION FROM BLAME FOR ONE DAY.  Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

2)Realize The Price You Are Paying For These Fights Unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically.  Honestly take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask do I truly want this?  Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

3) Know There Is A Better Way – You have to become aware that there is a better way to be in a relationship. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will de-escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible for you.

4)Build A Strong Sense of Self-Worth

The basis of all good relationships is a feeling of worthiness, a desire to honor, gift and pleasure yourself, and to do the same for the other.        Choose this kind of relationship and let go of all that opposes it.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives.

5 Tips To Gain Respect From Her

If you want to make you respectable by your girlfriend, here are some helpful tips which may use.

1. First of all it is very important to have self respect. Treat yourself with respect. If she sees that you don’t have any respect for yourself she might consider that she doesn’t have to show you either, because it is not important to you at all.

2. What you give is what you take. Show respect if you want to be respectable. Everyone wants to be admired and appreciated. If you show your girlfriend that she is important to you, you’ll be easily in their good graces. Be attentive, give compliments, and make her feel comfortable with you and content. Simply admire the person you are with and listen carefully when she talks. So, she’ll love to spend time with you.

3. Relax. Women think men are mediocre because they have a boring personality. So, when you have a date with her relax and have fun so she will feel great with you, because if she finds you boring you may get dumped. If you make her feel good she will respect you for the funny guy you are, being the person who can make her smile even when she is very sad.

4. Don’t lie. We all now that women don’t like to be lied to. If she had caught you with a lie she will definitely not have any more respect for you. But, if she sees that you are sincere to her all the time, she will be proud of you and will show more and more respect for you.

5. Be confident and polite. Look into her eyes when she talks to you and make her feel that you are a person who can trust in. Show her that she can talk with you about any subject or problem she has and can count on your help. Don’t forget to be polite, this will bring a reciprocal respect.

When you are in a relationship you must be treated with respect, which means your girlfriend must act like this:

- lets you feel comfortable being yourself

- is able to admit when she is wrong

- is willing to compromise

- respects your opinions, feelings and friends

- tries to resolve conflicts by talking honesty

- accepts when you’re saying no at things you don’
t want to do

So, take a deep look at your relationship and watch out if your girlfriend is making all this things for you and if not you should try this tips to make her respect you.

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10 Common Lies Told by Women

Why are some relationships more honest than others? Why are some couples more truthful with each other while others like to deceive the partner? Nobody deserves to be lied, but there are no doubts that women are telling lies considerably and often. But so men do the same.

If you have trust issues in your relationship, in general, a woman may lie to you. Trust is something that you must build from the beginning of the relationship. Even though, a lot of people say ‘‘white lies” in order to make others feel better. Some women lie because, as caring creatures they want to spare the feelings of the man they are dating or seeing.

So, here are some common lies told by women that you should know. Someday you might hear them from your partner and it is better to know their real meaning.

1.You’re perfect. I love you just the way you are and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Let’s be serious; nobody is perfect. At the beginning of a relationship all of them say this because they didn’t know you very well but after some time will definitely find something that needs changed. So, if she tells you something like this, don’t be too enthusiastic because she finds you perfect just for a couple of days, and after that she will ask you to change.

2.You’re right. Every time you are arguing with you’re girlfriend usually ends up by telling you that you are right? Maybe this makes you feel proud of you, but you have to know that this is a big lie. She said this just to make you shut up, even if she didn’t consider that you’re right. She knows that after a while you will see that she was right, and may be waiting for apologize.

3.Nothing is wrong. The most common lie ” I’m fine” when asked if there is something wrong is the most used by women. You see that she is upset, she is acting strange or doesn’t want to talk to you too much and ask her what is the problem she says that everything is fine. They don’t want to tell the real truth but they are expecting that men to figure out that something is wrong and those they had a mistake with something.

4.I do love sports honey. Maybe she agrees to stay and watch with you every week at a football game but this doesn’t really mean that she like it. She accepts to do this just to show you that she is different from other girls and you have common interest. You may be thinking that you have found the perfect girl for you, because not many of them would like to stay to watch football, but don’t be too happy because after a while she might had enough and get angry every time you sit down to watch a game.

5.I like spending time with your friends. At the beginning this is ok, but not too much. Even if they are good friends of you, she would like to spend more time alone with you and not with your friends. If she didn’t tell you already this, she will ask you to keep visits from your buddies at minimum and then she might keep pretending she loves them.

6.Your family is adorable, so I like spending time with your family. The truth? Maybe twice a month. Think about it. Do you really think that she likes to spend time with your family where everybody is criticizing her and watch her every move? She agrees to spend time with your family when is necessary but she doesn’t do it with much pleasure even if she is pretending in front of you that she likes them.

7.Your bank account doesn’t matter. I hope you didn’t believe this. We all know that this is definitely a lie. All women want a guy that is financial stable and independent, a guy that can assure her a future with no financial problems. This doesn’t mean that you have to be very rich to have a girlfriend, but you have to have some money.

8.It doesn’t bother to me if you look after women or go with your boys at strip-clubs. This is too good to be truth. Even she says that this is ok, she will definitely be upset that you want to go. They hate to feel second best to a night out with the guys, and accept this in order to make themselves seem less pathetically needy. If you choose to go, she will make you a lot of comments after, so you better think twice before you go.

9.You are very good in bed. If she choose to speak about this topic without you ask her, you don’t have to believe all she says. If she starts to compliment you about your sexual experience it doesn’t mean that she really believes that. Often a woman who cares about a man tell him all that she knows he wants to hear just to make him feel good about himself. So think about your girlfriend, your relationship, your sexual experience and see if you really deserve compliments on this topic.

10.Don’t worry, it happens to everyone. If you just make a mistake, or fail in bed, you might hear this lie from your girlfriend. She doesn’t want to show you how upset she is on you but in her mind thinks something else. I wouldn’t be too sure that your mistake is forgiven and I would worry in not making too many ” accidents” like these.

With all these presented, now will be more easy for you to know when your girlfriend is lying. As you see, what a woman says is not what she really thinks.

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7 Warning Signs That She is Not Interested in You Anymore

To break up a relationship is a harder decision when we talk about a long term one.

In most cases when woman is no longer interested in a relationship she doesn’t want to be the one to end it. But even when she is already made the decision to break it up, she will take some time to give you some signs to prepare you, before she tells you.

If you feel that something is going wrong it is time to take a closer look at your relationship. Here are seven warning signs she is no longer interested:

1. This is probably the most classic subtle signal of all: her life become too hectic. She hasn’t picked up the phone for a few days and when she does, she is busy and pretending that she doesn’t have time to met you. This isn’t necessarily a sign that it is over, but if you are used to meet her frequently then there is something wrong.

2. Eventually, when she decided to spend some time with you she keeps looking around to find something to do or someone else to talk to. However, when a woman is interested, she puts in the effort by giving you her full attention.

3. She’s secretive and no longer wants to tell you where she has been or who was on the phone.

4. Don’t forget that women love to talk. If she doesn’t ask you questions and shows no interest in what you have to say and when you ask her questions she limits her answers to “yes” and “no”  she has a problem. Can it be the relationship with you?

5. Is she causing arguments over stupid little things? If nothing you do or say isn’t right anymore and all that goes wrong is your fault you
can start to worry.

6. She refuses the presents you make. Women love to get presents, so if she turns yours down, she can feel guilty because she is thinking to break up with you, especially if you know she was about to buy that thing for herself.

7. She talks about divorce or break up of other people relationship, as a positive thing. Maybe a friend of her just has braked up with her boyfriend and now she is doing much better.

In the game of romance, few things are black and white. Most of the points above are assumptions based on commonly used techniques. There is room for interpretations and misunderstandings but all
this can make you wonder if everything is ok and discuss the problems you might have.

13 Magical Things to do in a Relationship

When you know that you have found the perfect woman for you, make sure that she feels the same about you. You are crazy about her and want to make her feel happy with you, that’s why you are ready to make all the sacrifices to impress her, to show her how much you care about her, or to not permit that routine to come into your relationship.

With all this sacrifices to show her your feelings, to keep your relationship as cool as it was at the beginning, you feel that you have to make something more interesting. That’s why you should induce “magic “into your relationship even if you are hopeless romantic or not. To add more intimacy, love, understanding and compassion in any relationship is always welcome.

So, here are some magical things to do in order to impress your partner in a good way and increase your relationship:

1.Surprise her by taking her lunch and coffee at bed right after she woke up; if you didn’t do this before she will definitely be impressed;also cooking a pizza for her and cut it in a heart shape it is very romantic; a woman will always find interesting a man who is able to cook for her, no matter what kind of food it is; even if it wouldn’t be too tasty, she will appreciate that you have tried

2.Set up a picnic in the park; even it is an usually day, prepare all you need for a picnic, go get your girlfriend and go for a walk; don’t tell her from the beginning what you plan to, let it be a surprise; a ‘ going out’ at a picnic in the fresh air is always welcome and relaxing

3.Send her flowers anytime and anywhere, that is unexpected; women love flowers, so sending her flowers without any reason will demonstrate her that you really care about and make her feel
loved and special; the most probably that she will answer you with the same love you show her

4.Fill her apartment with balloons or something she likes, maybe it’s a crazy idea, but it usually works to impress girls; it will be seen
as a funny thing by your partner and remember that some fun is necessary in any relationship

5.If you are good at writing, write her a poem,or create a book for her with a special dedication; this will definitely work if she love poems; don’t begin to write a poem only if you know that you are good at it, other way you will screw up

6.Reading romantic poetry in the middle of the living room on a blanket in soft candlelight, it is a very good way to offer your partner a wonderful evening; women are often more romantic than men, that’s why they like to be surprised by men with romantic ideas

7.Massages are always magic when done right;buying different flavored edible bars to experiment with each other can be more surprising;but if you are not good at making massage, go to a spa together and get a couples massage together

8.Go for a romantic meal; make reservations at a beautiful restaurant and create a romantic atmosphere with candles, roses and slow music; offer her a night to never forget

9.Going for a walk at night and looking at the stars and moon is almost such romantic as the restaurant, and is cheapest; so it is not
necessary to have a lot of money to offer your partner a lovely evening; it can be very interesting

10.If you can afford it, take her in holiday in an exotic place, like a beautiful island, only you two alone, with sunshine and plenty of water, where you will spend a wonderful time together,and will not be disturb by friends, family,relatives

11.But, if you can’t afford to go in a exotic place, to the sea, there’s no problem; bubble baths together are always magic times;

12.Surprise visits; surprise her with your visits when she is not expecting at all; while you are able to surprise her in a good way, she will not lose interest in you

13.Don’t be afraid to talk sweet nothings into her ear; make the woman feel good by saying sweet and romantic things to her at any given time; as i sad, women love romance.