Divorce rates are getting higher and higher each day, and it seems a lot easier to divorce than to stay together. Even if you were the instigator, it’s even much more difficult. Even if it’s what you really need and doing so will relieve you from all of the suffering, it is still The End, and somewhere along the way there is always guilt. But, at the same time, there is the excitement of new beginnings – that excitingd as it may, it still is scary because this is a place you don’t remember anymore.
If you didn’t’ want the divorce in the first place, there is the double pain of coping up with not getting over him so soon. Of course. He’s no longer a boyfriend you can easily dump away, but he already is an ex-husband who fathered all your children, who vowed to be with you in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part. It’s always difficult to find a way to detach from your emotions and to really move on. What will complicate further is the presence of another person in your or his life by now.
Moving houses also is just one of the added complications that you will face. Emotions are more charged than ever, and you do all your best to put up a face to the kids, friends, family, even in-laws, and yourself. Then you find yourself trapped to the never-ending questions of why it came to this and why it had to happen, and what you did wrong, and what if you had done it all differently – will it lead to the same result now? Too bad you can’t do anything about it anymore. It’s not helping, and the sad news is, you keep spiraling down to that negative oblivion your negative thoughts have just put you through. That even if you are now desperate to move on and begin a new life, find inner strength and wisdom from the whole ordeal, you’re still in that lonely and miserable place – that it’s just so frustrating you can’t seem to do anything about it.
To best start off with moving on, the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is just true enough. Start with a mantra and the assurance that you’re not alone in this world experiencing the same depression, and it’s just up to you how you will overcome it all. Assure yourself that if millions of women in that position were able to come through, you will also succeed as well.
Accept, accept, accept. Learn to accept that you are meant to be here at this very moment and there’s nothing else you can do to change all of it. Stop fighting it, stop questioning why and what if, and what is done is done. Surrender and acknowledge the fact that if you were able to do something before, you are no longer in this place now. But no, you’re still here. Once you learn to accept your present circumstance gracefully, you will start to feel loads better since your energy is no longer directed on the useless, unproductive, and negative “what ifs” that will only do you no good. You will now be conserving your energy for more productive and better ways, like the improvement of your life and your kids, how you can start a new and exciting life, and so on. Negative thoughts such as those mentioned will always sap you of your energy that could have been otherwise used for the betterment of your kids. Positive thoughts on the other hand, will keep feeding you with the energy that you need; build you up until you feel so strong and invincible, and until you rebuild your whole life again – little by little. What’s important is, even at a slower rate, you see progress. That years ago you have been this desolate, poor, oppressed and depressed; but now, look at how far you have achieved.